I Can See The Ocean And She Reminds Me Of You
by CountTheCrows
Summary: Bay/Emmett e-mails. Season 4.


**I can see the ocean, and she reminds me of you.**

She re-reads the opening line Emmett's email trying to decipher some hidden meaning. The ocean reminds Emmett of her. _The ocean reminds Emmett of her? _ What exactly do you say in response to that? She's been called a lot of things.

"_That's just Bay being Bay."_

"_What does that mean?"_

"_I think that's a euphemism for another word that begins with "B"."_

"_It's just more Bay drama."_

But she's never been compared to the ocean.

**It's wild, Bay. The way the waves come in and out, how calm it can be one day and the next day, it's rough. She never knows her own strength, the ocean. You're like that, you know? **

Not really. She's never felt weaker or more alone. And what did Emmett mean by one day it's calm and the next, it's rough? Was she destructive? Did she destroy people? Did she destroy Emmett?.

**And I know what you're thinking. I didn't mean it like that. Not rough in a bad way. But you push people. You push them when they need to be pushed. You have this power to help people see beyond themselves; beyond their world. I was in a bubble before I met you. You popped that bubble. But now it's like you're the one stuck in a bubble.**

He isn't wrong. A bubble of self-despair and loneliness, a bubble of impulsiveness and regrets. A bubble of her own making.

**I wish you would have let me come with you that day. **

She does too.

**You should be out here, Bay. You'd love it. I keep thinking of all the places I'll show you when you do come out here. When we can finally be together. We'll go to the beach. That's first on the list. You could sit out here and draw. We could even go swimming. I'll even be cliché and show you the Hollywood sign…as long as you promise not to tag it! ;-) **

No, she'd never do that again.

**Do you dream of me? I dream of you. **

She does. She has this reoccurring dream where she sees Emmett. She sees him and she's running towards him and then, she stops. Something won't let her go further, but it's unseen by the naked eye. It's a powerful, immovable force.

"Let's go, Bay. Come on!" Emmett is saying to her in this dream, "You're going to miss it. Please?"

She wants to go. She. Wants. To. Go. Why can't she move? What is stopping her?

"Okay, if that's how you want it. I guess I'll see you around," Emmett says, and then he's gone.

**But the dreams don't compare to you in the flesh. I want you here. I don't blame you. I'm not mad at you. I just miss you.**

_I miss you, too_.

**I have to go to class now. Write me back? Love you.**

Dear Emmett,

I've never been compared to the ocean before, but before you, there was a lot I never did. I never loved as deeply as I do with you. I'll take being likened to the ocean. I do dream of you. More than you know. And they don't compare to seeing you either. I wish I could go back and undo things. I never realized what I was getting myself into. I never anticipated how difficult it would be. Have I…have I ruined your life, Emmett? Have I ruined everything? Will you see the ocean ten years from now and the memories of me will choke you?

I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, other than you.

I love you, too.

-Bay.

**If I were standing in front of you, you'd see me roll my eyes**.

The opening line to Emmett's reply.

**No, you haven't ruined me. Or ruined anything. I won't choke on memories of you. Memories of you are what keep me grounded. Don't you get that? We're all a little broken, Bay. We're all a little lost. The difference is you think it makes you less. I wish you could see it makes you more. I love all the parts of you, even the parts that are difficult.**

Sometimes it frightens her, reading about how Emmett sees her. She's bound to disappoint him at some point, like she does everyone else. If she had been a better daughter, maybe her parents – all three of them – wouldn't prefer Daphne. Maybe that's why she did it. To be what they want from her. Sometimes it feels like everyone wants a piece of her.

Well, not everyone. Not Emmett. Not Toby. But everyone else. Her parents. Daphne.

**I gotta go. I love you.**

_I love you, too._

Dear Emmett,

Do you ever feel like you'll wake up one day and the sidewalk will be made up of those pieces of you that were chipped away?

I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. You deserve emails filled with butterflies and rainbows.

I just can't give that to you right now. I tried.

I love you,

-Bay

**Bay, I don't need butterflies and rainbows. I just need you. We can find new pieces. You're not alone in this. I love you.**

_We can find new pieces._

It makes her want to drown. Drown in happiness, drown in sadness. His love for her is so encompassing and it scares her. But it protects her. She runs from it and runs to it. Has anyone ever loved her the way he does? What if it doesn't work out between them? Who is she with Emmett? Who is she without Emmett? What if he stops loving her? What if it's too much?

Dear Emmett,

What if it's too much?

I love you,

-Bay

**It could never be too much.**

Dear Emmett,

It's thundering and lightning outside and it reminds me of us. That makes no sense, but it does. I don't know if you're the thunder and I'm the lightning or if it's the other way around. I'm not too sure it matters. I just know that it's fierce, it pierces, and that is what we do together. We pierce expectations. We pierce each other. I don't know how this is going to work. Remember when I told you that last year? I still don't know with you there and me here. But I want it to work. I want you: always.

I love you,

-Bay

/ /

The sun is glaring down on her. How can it be so warm so early in the morning? She's not sure, but nevertheless, it's glaring down on her. Suddenly, arms wrap around her. There's a kiss on her cheek.

"Mmmm. You got my note?"

He sits down beside her in the sand.

"I did." He rubs her expanding stomach. "I thought insomnia is supposed to come _after_ the baby. This is your third morning here this week."

"Nope. Exhaustion comes after the baby. Insomnia comes while you're pregnant."

"Ah." He looks at the ocean. "Seven years later and she still reminds me of you."

She feels a kick, a hard one, and takes Emmett's hand.

"Did you feel that?"

He smiles.

"I guess she likes being here, too."

Bay nods in agreement.

She follows Emmett's gaze back to the water. They've got the whole world in front of them; they've got no place to be. They are home. Finally.


End file.
